The Next Big Thing

Things that inspire me

2008-10-17T02:34:00.000-07:00

Or, rather songs. So. I decided that in my absence of posting, I would return with stuff that has been inspiring me recently.

1. The Devil is Real - the Felice Brothers (who I am absolutely in love with!)
2. Swimming Pool - Freezepop (yes, I realize that Freezepop is on guitar hero. No, this song sounds nothing like the song on Guitar Hero. And I love it)
3. The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice
4. Congratulations - Blue October (I've known about Blue October for a while now, but this song features Imogen Heap, who I also love)
5. Tell Her - Del Amitri
6. Balloons - Julia Nunes (Ok, so I confess, I heard about Julia on youtube, and I am one of her many fans, but this song just makes me all tingly inside)
7. I Stood - Missy Higgins (Missy Higgins and Joshua Radin are both coming to the WOW hall in November, guess who is going to see them??? ME!!!!)

Basically, my life has been all about things that inspire me lately. Be it people, or songs, or what have you, I've been all about inspiration. Mostly because my life confuses me so much sometimes, that I just need a little time for me, and feeling good about me. These songs are part of that.

Life, and such

2008-10-08T03:47:00.000-07:00

I realize, it's been a while. I apologize to all the people (like...2) that have probably stopped reading because I stopped posting. Life has been... a little crazy, and by crazy, I really mean, boring. Seriously. My life is so boring and lonely now. I work. That's it. I'm 20 years old, and I work like I'm 30. Holy shit, it makes me feel old. I don't have time for friends, or a girlfriend, I have time to come home and jack off basically (sorry, again). It's so fucking boring. And lonely. Did I mention I'm lonely? I'm worried I'm stunting myself for later. I see all these friends that are getting married, because they have enough time to actually find someone who can put up with them, and I feel like I'm running out of time because I spend all my time working. WTF. I'm 20 fucking years old!

Ok. Apart from the ranting, I still love my job. Even though it stunts my social life, I love it. It's fantastic, and I'm trying to make as many work friends as possible, because that's my social connection with the world. What do I really want, you might ask? I WANT TO BE A FUCKING FIREFIGHTER! Shhhh... don't tell anyone, but this hospital job is kinda just a crutch until I can get into firefighting. I'm not "smart" enough to be in nursing school, so it's kinda dead end for me at the hospital for now... I guess. Whatevs. I'm 20, right? What I should really be doing is having fun with my friends, and finding myself a girlfriend, however, I work. So I apologize if you are a friend that I have neglected. I'm just busy.

Currently...

2008-09-01T11:49:00.000-07:00

Well. An update. Again.

A couple of things i found recently in my room.

A fortune cookie slip. "You find beauty in ordinary things. Do not lose this ability." Apparently I thought that was worth keeping.

A magazine clipping that says "Zombie."

2 packages of Parmesan gold fish. Yum.

An old graduation photo.

My MCT robin hood t-shirt.

A box of carbon filters for my fish tank. Too bad I just bought another box of them.

Caution tape.

A little green alien. (which I'm pretty sure I've had since at least middle school)

My icy hot. Praise the Lord.

Nothing much else has been going on in my life. However, I would like to note that I am getting paid to be at home today. I love Labor Day. I am also looking forward to starting my new job at the brand new Riverbend hospital. Sweet. And it is 19 days until my state practical exam. Holy Jesus. That's intense.

An update

2008-08-27T00:09:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been quite some time. Things have been a little insane since the last time I updated. Let's see... Here's some stuff, I guess.

1. I am still working and Duck's Village, and yes, I still love it.
2. I just got a job at Riverbend hospital as a janitor. It is an on call position with no guaranteed hours, but it's still a foot in the door. I have orientation next week. :)
3. I have my final exam for my EMT class tomorrow night.
4. My practical exam is 0n Thursday.
5. I'm going a little crazy, but life is still pretty good.

Sorry it's a short update, but I just wanted to kinda let ya'll know how things are going. Peace.

Wow, it's been a while

2008-07-16T23:57:00.000-07:00

Ok, so, here I am again. My computer is still dead, but courtesy of Duck's Village and stupid tennants, I have a laptop now (that works perfectly, but I found it in the trash). Anywho. I'm leaving for California for 5 days tomorrow at midnight, and I couldn't be more excited. I don't really have time to go into all of it, however, it's going to be an awesome trip, I can already tell. So, I'll post again soon, I promise.

A typewriter experience

2008-06-29T11:41:00.000-07:00

So, I have a typewriter. And I decided that I wanted to share some of the stuff that has been on the pages (it's been in our dining room for a while, so everyone writes on it)

"Astrid is a wonderful cat. She is fat, and stuff. Her claws are kinda fucked, but we don't care, we lover her anyways. Though, she can be kinda a bitch. If you pet her for too long, or pet her too hard, she bites, and it hurts. Fuck you Astrid. I lied. I don't love Astrid, and I don't feel bad about it."

"The cactus looks like a spiky chode. A railed penis. A wanna be dick. I have eternally lost my erection- infinity is long and soft."

"I am out of paper. The end."

"Butt, in fact, lots of butts"

"Do you think Market of Choice sells guavas? I don't know what the fuck a guava is. Let's wikipedia it... It kinda looks like a lime. One kilogram is like... 2 pounds, right? That's a love of fuckin' guava."

"MY BOOBS ITCH SO BAD. I do not know why. Maybe excessive saliva deposits. Deposit saliva on my titties. The rash forms on my nipples, my areolas are inflamed."

"Mitchell, you lusty toed whore bag. I hope your balls shrivel into dust, into the wasteland sand of the desert."

"Daffy doody donald duck. Duck duckity doo-hickey"

God I love my roommates.

A very big day...

2008-06-22T17:24:00.001-07:00

Today was a momentous day. I threw the rings she gave me in the river. It felt amazing. I am free. For the first time in three years I feel free. So I went home, took a celebratory shot of tequila and washed it down with a beer. I don't need her anymore, and it feels awesome.

Here we go again, one more time

2008-06-16T07:28:00.000-07:00

It's finally summer! And that means I get to work everyday. :) Money. I'm stoked. I love my job, it's easy and my boss is super chill. Things are still changing like crazy around me, and I'm trying to hold on to something, but at the same time, I just want to let go and see where the wind takes me. We'll see what I do. Anywho, I have to go because I have work in half an hour and I need to brush my teeth. I'll update tonight since I have time now and stuff.

A walk in the rain... and update

2008-06-03T01:50:00.000-07:00

I took a walk in the rain tonight. Just to think about all the things that have been going on in my life lately. I guess I haven't said it yet, but I'm not going back to school next year, so this is my last term at University of Oregon. Rest assured, I will finish my EMT class at Lane. But after that, it's onward and upward to new and different things.

My life has been a whirlwind of change recently, emotionally as well. I've learned a lot, and I'm ready to reconcile some things that I have done wrong. Though, through all this, I still feel lost. Always lost. And sometimes alone.

So, to remedy my loneliness tonight, I sat on my porch after my walk in the rain and gathered all of the snails within arms reach and sat them all together to be my pals. There were big ones and small ones, and they were all slimy. But I didn't care. The sight of squished snails makes me sad, so I made sure to carefully place them out of harm's way when I went back inside. It was nice to have some company.

Hey everyone!

2008-05-22T17:33:00.001-07:00

Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted. Nothing new is really going on, except that I am doing a collaborative blog project with one of my friends, it's called To Whom it May Concern. Go check it out! If you want to help, let me know. Anywho, I don't really have time to update ya'll on my life, I have class in 5 minutes. Take care! Enjoy the weekend!

Here's the link again....

http://2whomimconcern.blogspot.com/

Since I ruined stuff..

2008-05-06T01:01:00.001-07:00

Ok, so since I ruined the happy mood with my rant, I deemed it necessary to share 2 things that I think are hilarious:

The Critter Cruiser Race Car

Ah yes. Beautiful. When your hamster gets tired of rolling around in the plastic ball you can buy this for $12.99 from Amazon.com! Holy shit. I haven't seen something this exciting since Spiderman 3!

I'd Hit That!

Ok, seriously, so would I. (Mario, people, Mario)

So...

2008-05-06T00:25:00.000-07:00

I know you guys get sick of my ranting, and really, I'm not that negative, this is just my ranting space (meaning, I don't actually expect anyone to read it). So here I am, ranting again. But, this time, it's more of a "wow, this situation really sucks" rant, than just the regular "I hate everything" rant. So, here it goes.

There is this girl, and I like her a lot. We're not official or exclusive right now, but almost (she's still working stuff out, and I'm waiting as patiently as possible). Well, here's the deal. She's not going to be here this summer. She's going to be 12 hours away in Santa Monica. So, I'm up shit creek without a paddle. Seriously. Three months, 530 miles apart. Suck balls. I'm trying to stay positive about the whole thing. Why, you may ask, am I getting so worked up about a girl I'm not even dating being so far away. Well, here's your answer (and I'm going about it in a roundabout way).

I think it's okay to be scared to lose someone, even if you have only known them for about 3 months. I am just scared. Scared that she is going to go to Santa Monica and fall in love with some muscular guy in a bathing suit and forget all about me, because I can't compete with that, by the way. I dunno. Maybe I think I've found something good and want to hold onto it. Is that so hard to believe? I try to find new reasons to believe in love all the time. And it's not that I'm in love with her, because I'm not. I just like her a lot, and I'm trying to make this work. So I'm working through things, and it's hard, no lie, but I'm trying.

Also, I'm meeting some of her friends tomorrow, and I'm a little nervous. Seriously, I haven't met any friends of any girls that I've dated recently (not that I've dated that many girls), but it still makes me nervous. All I'm really trying to say is that I really like her, and things are going well. We hang out a lot, and it's really easy to be around her. I don't feel uncomfortable or awkward, I feel like I can just be me, and it doesn't matter. I just hope it lasts, and that maybe we can move to the next step, if not, I'm cool with staying here.

Sometimes I forget...

2008-05-01T16:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I forget how well-rounded of a person I am. I usually remember when I start talking about all my useless talents and experiences I've had over the years. And I usually forget WHY I am well-rounded. Honestly, the biggest reason I am the way I am is because of my family. They are my heroes. Truly. I would not be the person I am today if it were not for their love and support. They have always supported me in an any venture I choose to indulge myself in, and always comfort me in my failures.

It's not that my family is really all that culturally oriented. I mean, I've lived in small towns all my life. I am the first in my family to go to college, so there's a lot of new territory to cover. Though neither of my parents ever went to college, they both are incredible role models, and they are both my heroes. I can't rank one against the other because the relationship I have with my mom is vastly different from the relationship I have with my dad. Let me tell you a little bit about them.

My dad is the hardest working person I know, and has always instilled that value in me. He is a telephone man, and is one of the best in the state in his company. But he is not arrogant, and doesn't brag about his success. He merely takes pride in helping people. From as early as I can remember he always did everything he could to make our lives as comfortable as possible. We built a house from the ground up in Colorado, and he always did everything he could to keep it in good condition. And when we moved here he did the same thing. No matter how much or how little money we had, he always tried to make the best of it so that we could be comfortable. He has never stopped supporting me or my mom and brother. We don't have a particularly close relationship, meaning, we don't talk about all the deep stuff, but he always tries to make sure he knows what's going on in my life. He was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in October of last year, and although he has struggled with his medication, he has never quit. Not once. He continues to fight and be active. I love him very much, and I don't know what I would do without him.

My mom is one of the most caring people I know. She always goes out of her way to be polite and nice to the people around her. She is also a very hard working person, and always tries to give back to people as much as she can. She has also never stopped supporting me, and always listens to me, no matter what it is that I am saying. One of the best things about my mom is that she has never forced me to be something I didn't want to be. She has always allowed me to grow into the person I am going to be. She recently got a job at an insurance agency, and worked really hard to get her insurance license. I was so proud of her when she passed her test! She always tries to comfort her family in whatever is going on, and if I could become half the person she is, I would have accomplished something great. There is not a person I know of that has anything mean to say about her. She takes everything in stride, and is so calm and collected. I also love her very much and would be lost without her.

Then there's my brother. Oh, what to say about my brother... It took us a long time to get to the point we are now. We used to fight so much, and now we get along really well. I've always felt like more of a big brother to him than a big sister, and it took a while for him to feel the same way, but that's the way he treats me now, and it's great. He doesn't pass judgment on me, and I am pretty sure he would fight for me if he thought it necessary. He isn't always as aware of some of the offensive stuff he says as I'd like him to be, but he always tones it down around me, which is nice. We talk about girls and life a lot, and I really enjoy his company. He is turning out to be a fine young man, though he gets in a lot of trouble. I really do love him a lot, and can't wait to see him grow up and get out of high school.

So that's my family. I don't really know what triggered all of this, but I felt the need to share.

Fear

2008-04-24T10:41:00.001-07:00

"I am a firefighter. I am afraid the day might come when I'm not as brave as I am supposed to be."

I'm not a firefighter yet, but I am afraid of the same thing.

It's tomorrow

2008-04-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

Today is tomorrow.
I wish it was yesterday,
But am glad that it's not today.
If it were today it would be a bad day,
But it's not
We are safe.

Excuse me

2008-04-21T12:58:00.000-07:00

Dear women (yes, all of you),
I'm not a man. You already know that, but please, refrain from saying things like "If you were a guy I would date you." I'm really sick of hearing it.

Thank you,
Lex

Good days

2008-04-18T11:13:00.000-07:00

I'm content today. Not that kind of content that is accompanied by a nagging voice in the back of your head, but the kind of content where you have no worries. I've been waiting for this. For a while now. It's not like something monumental happened or anything. It's just that one of the bags that I have been schlepping around for a while is finally gone, and it feels good.

I suppose I should explain what's in this bag that's gone, but I'm not sure it would do it justice. Oh well, I'll try anyway. A girl, that's what's in this bag. For the sake of privacy we will call this girl Christie. So there she is, in this bag, with all of her issues. Her excessive intelligence, her relationship issues, and her need for constant reassurance. She has a boyfriend, yeah, I know, it surprised me too. I found out from a friend of hers, we'll call her Brittney. And suddenly all of the stuff that has been confusing me for a while makes sense. She has a boyfriend, duh.

It's more than a little ironic, however. You see, Christie set me up with Brittney, which turned out really well, but that is beside the point. Christie is really proud of herself. She says she feels like cupid. She doesn't even know that I found out about her secret boyfriend, and that I'm content because I'm finally done with her bullshit, not because of Brittney. Ok, well, not just because of Brittney. Christie has no idea that I am jumping for joy because I don't fucking have to wait for her anymore. I don't have to deal with her relationship issues; although it appears that she no longer has any. I don't have do deal with her insecurities, and I don't have to feel stupid around her anymore.

I can't be too mad at Christie, because she set me up with Brittney, but I am a little confused as to why it is so hard to just tell me. It's not like I haven't been shot down by girls before, because it's happened plenty of times. I'm learning to steel myself against those things. And I feel good about my progress in that area of my life. I'm happy to see that I am slowly becoming the person I hope to be, and dropping some of the bags that I have been carrying around with me. Man, they are heavy, and not aesthetically pleasing. They hurt my back and make me stoop a little. And I just want to drop them, but I'm trying to cut these damn chains that keep them there.

I'm learning a lot these days. I'm learning how to be an adult, and how to deal with the responsibilities that accompany that. I'm learning how to stay put, instead of running from the things that scare me. I'm re-learning how to be in intimate relationships, and how to be the kind of person that someone would want to date. I'm learning how to love myself, and how to take care of the things that are bothering me. But most of all, I am learning how to be content, and I can't believe how awesome it feels.

Not only have I gotten rid of the Christie baggage, but I have started up a new thing with Brittney, and so far things are going well, so we'll see. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that she makes me happy, and I can't get her off my mind. A promising start, yes.

I apologize for the novel, I just needed to get this stuff out, and now I feel better. So, I'm going to continue on with my day, and make some new memories with this new-found contentment in the font of my mind. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Life, and how I feel about it

2008-04-17T01:45:00.001-07:00

Life is a funny thing. It works out so weird. I'm not really sure how I feel about some of the things that happen, but I know how I feel about this: it's awesome.

She is great. I am lucky. It's interesting that her roommate is a girl I had a crush on last year, I dunno. I'm just rambling. I'm really wound up, and I can't wait to see her again.

The raven

2008-04-16T20:10:00.000-07:00

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

Gee, thanks for telling me

2008-04-16T11:41:00.000-07:00

So, after 3 months of hanging out with a girl I was interested in, and who I thought was interested in me, I found out why she has been acting really weird lately. She's got a boyfriend. I didn't even find out from her, I found out from a friend of hers. Oh, for fuck's sake, all you had to do was tell me. Thanks.

Song lyrics and stuff

2008-04-14T02:02:00.000-07:00

Recent stuff that I've been stuck on.

"I want to forget how conviction fits, but can I get out from under it? Can I gut it out of me? It can’t all be wedding cake, It can’t all be boiled away, I try but I can’t let go of it Can’t let go of it. Cause you don’t talk to the water boy and there’s so much you could learn but you don’t want to know, You will not back up an inch ever,
that’s why you will not survive."
-The Underdog (by Spoon)

"All I want is you, will you be my bride, take me by the hand and stand by my side. All I want is you, will you stay with me? Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea."
-All I want is you (By Barry Louis Polisar)

"Boo fuckin hoo you're not the only one whose life's a piece of shit, and yet miraculously somehow we all seem to deal with it. Did anybody think that you would really seriously slit your wrists, in fact I think that everybody thinks you're seriously full of shit"
-You'll Rebel to Anything (by Mindless Self Indulgence)

"I aint no wide eyed rebel, oh but i aint no preacher's son. Now, i see the trouble,
in all the loving that I've done. And the world, aint no harder than it's ever been.
Looking for love in the lies of a lonely friend."
-Love in the Lies (By Amos Lee)

"Well I'll try my best to be funny, yeah. You forget for a while. Wrote a song for ya honey, you should laugh so you don't cry. Laugh so you don't cry"
-Laugh So You Don't Cry (By Andy Davis)

"We talked, together sharpening the knife, like killing partners for a life. Hey we can hide the bodies on the ride home. Now here we are, we're licking skin to wipe us clean. Strike a match, pour gasoline, ditch the scene and watch this city burn. Asleep, my life will be a pillow steering wheel turn"
-She's My Ride Home (By Blue October)

Just some songs that I appreciate.

Nicknames

2008-04-13T21:31:00.000-07:00

My roommates have been coming up with a lot of nicknames for me recently, so I've decided to share my nicknames.

Old nicknames:
Lex
Lexi
Lexi Cat
Lex Luthor
Midget
Ley
Elk Hat
L Cat
Lexar

New Nicknames:
Lexicon
Lexican
Lexican't
Lexicunt (I'm not very fond of this one)
Lexiconstipated
Rogue
Scritch

Shout outs for the day (you know who you are):
1. "look, it's a badger with a gun!"
2. "I'm walking on sunshine"
3. Haha, smuggling library books into your own home.
4. Michigan!

Tingly place?

2008-04-11T01:36:00.001-07:00

"Tingly place? What is this tingly place you speak of?"

Oh, it just made me giggle... watch the video.

EMT philosophy

2008-04-10T21:15:00.001-07:00

This philosophy works surprisingly well for life...

"Air goes in and out. Blood goes round and round. Any variation is wrong."

Some shout outs: (you know who you are)
1. He's going to be fine, and so are you.
2. Damn you processed cheese
3. Midnight pudding run!

That's is all.

I saw you

2008-04-10T14:50:00.000-07:00

You were at the symphony last night.
You walked by me, and I was paralyzed.
You are beautiful, and I'll never know you, but that's ok.
You sing like an angel, and look like one too.
Maybe we'll see each other again (not that I'm counting on it or anything)

Note to self:
Let's not read too much into this.

I'm back!

2008-04-09T22:32:00.000-07:00

Hello again, everyone. I'm back, after a short hiatus due to a shitty hard drive. But, I am once again able to update! I don't have time right now, unfortunately, but I'll post up something interesting tomorrow!

Dear God.

2008-04-02T01:34:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

Please, either make something happen between THE girl and I, or let me stop dreaming about her. I'm sick of waking up and thinking that everything is better, and then realizing that it's not. It's really starting to bother me.

Love,
Lex

Chemistry

2008-03-31T17:24:00.001-07:00

It's not just a class in school.

And we had it.

Do we still have it?
(I wish we did)

Dear friends.

2008-03-31T12:05:00.001-07:00

Today is my first EMT class, and I am ridiculously excited for it. Technically I am starting my career today, how exciting is that?! Alright, so, I'm rambling, but, in other news, my roommate and I are planning our April fools joke on my other roommate. (We're going to saran-wrap his van) Muaaahahahaha. It's going to be amazing. Well, I hope you all are having a good day, and good luck with this next term!

Important life lesson from XKCD

2008-03-27T17:25:00.001-07:00

I've never done this, but I'm sure that it might happen at some point in my life. :)

The Underdog

2008-03-25T11:22:00.000-07:00

By: Spoon
Watch the video too! (at the bottom)

Picture yourself in the living room
your pipe and slippers set out for you
I know you think that it ain't too far

But I hear the call of a lifetime ring
felt the need to get up for it
oh you cut out the middleman
get free from the middleman

You got no time for the messenger,
got no regard for the thing that you don't understand,
you got no fear of the underdog,
that's why you will not survive!

I want to forget how conviction fits
but can I get out from under it?
Can I gut it out of me?
It can't all be wedding cake
It can't all be boiled away
I try but I can't let go of it
Can't let go of it,

Cause you don't talk to the water boy
and there's so much you could learn but you don't want to know,
You will not back up an inch ever,
that's why you will not survive,

The thing that I tell you now
It may not go over well
And it may not be photo-op
in the way that I spell it out

But you won't hear from the messenger,
don't wanna know bout something that you don't understand,
You got no fear of the underdog,
that's why you will not survive! (Hey!)

I get it.

2008-03-24T13:05:00.000-07:00

If it was you, I understand. I don't know if it is you though.

Quote from "the Dreamers"

2008-03-18T00:52:00.000-07:00

By Isak Dinesen

"To this woman I owe that I have ever understood, and still remember, the meaning of words such as tears, heart, longing, stars, which you poets make use of. Yes, as to stars in particular. Mira, there was much about her that reminded one of a star. There was a difference between her and other women that there is between and overcast and a starry sky. Perhaps you too have met in the course of your life women of that sort, who are self-luminous and shine in the dark, who are phosphorescent, like touchwood."

You are a like a star, self-luminous and shining in the dark.

I don't want to be

2008-03-15T13:00:00.000-07:00

I don't want to be the guy who loves the girl because he needs her. I want to be the guy who loves the girl because he WANTS her. And I want you.

Out Loud

2008-03-12T10:58:00.000-07:00

By: Dispatch

would you be the wind to blow me home
would you be a dream
on the wings of a poem
and if you were walking through a crowd
you know I'd be proud

CHORUS:
If you'd call my name out loud
If you'd call my name out loud
Do you suppose that I would come running
Do you suppose I'd come at all
I suppose I would

And if we were walking
Down a dead end street
Would you be the one to let our eyes meet
Or would you just keep on walking
Down to the turn around
Cause you know I'd be proud

CHORUS

And if I was gone from the land we know
Would be the dawn
And let your beauty still show
And if you were walking
And heard the cold night coming
Would you call my name
Cause you know I'd come running

CHORUS

You know I would
You know I would
You know I would
You know I would
I'd come running
I'd come running
If you call my name out loud

Today.

2008-03-12T10:44:00.001-07:00

I don't have anything funny to say.

Wooo... last week of term.

2008-03-10T13:21:00.000-07:00

So, this week is the last week of winter term, then next week is finals. I'm pretty happy with this idea because the only thing I really have to worry about this week is the Drag Show, which is Saturday night. I'm worried because I am the main emcee, and I still don't have a list of acts... oh my god. What am I going to say? Seriously, I can't stand up there and tell the "and then I found five dollar stories," because I'm pretty sure everyone will just get up and walk out. Bah. So, I'm nervous.

In other news, my fish have Ichthyophthirius multifiliis, otherwise known as "Ich" or "Ick." The bad news is, it's a common and fatal fish disease. The good news is, I might have caught it in time to save the majority of my fish. Grrr... I spent a lot of money on those fish... Here's what a more advanced case of the Ick looks like:

So, imagine my dismay when I come home from Junction City yesterday to discover that Spartacus (my Ram Cichlid) had these weird white specks all over him. After watching him for a minute, I discovered that all but my Cherry Barbs, my Hillstream Loach, and my Koi Angelfish had these spots as well. Confused and worried, I checked it out online, only to discover that these white spots were indeed the Ick. Damn. So, I'll be getting medication for my fish today (oh, that makes me giggle), and hopefully they will be better soon.

New Improv Everywhere: Food Court Musical

2008-03-09T22:32:00.000-07:00

Improv everywhere just posted a new video... food court musical!

Bulletproof weeks

2008-03-07T14:36:00.000-08:00

By: Matt Nathanson

Mmmm... I love this song. Here's the lyrics...

Somewhere in between
The beginning and the end
September took the tourist
And settled in for good

You could hear the trains again
Brooklyn girls in scarves
Summer left and no one said a word

We'd open your window
Stay in your bed
All day 'til the street lights came on

So what happened to bulletproof weeks in your arms
What happened to feeling cheap radio songs
What happened to thinking the world was flat
What happened to that

Up on 59th street
Right before the rain
Lovers catching taxis going downtown

I'm talking to what's left of you
Watching what I say
Counting all the freckles on your perfect face

You open your window
And I stay on your bed
Just hoping that right words will come

So what happened to bullet proof weeks in your arms
What happened to feeling cheap radio songs
What happened to thinking the world was flat
What happened to that

So what happened to bullet proof weeks in your arms
What happened to feeling cheap radio songs
What happened to thinking the world was flat
What happened to that
(what happened to that)

Its all gone
Love, it's all wrong

So what happened to bullet proof weeks in your arms
What happened to feeling cheap radio songs
What happened to thinking the world was flat
What happened, what happened to that

Good day

2008-03-06T11:52:00.000-08:00

By: Tally Hall

So, Tally Hall has a new video out, and ya'll should watch it...

EMT-ness

2008-03-05T18:40:00.001-08:00

So.... I GOT MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO THE EMT PROGRAM IN THE MAIL TODAY!!!! And if you can't tell, I'm really excited about it. Wish me luck!

Once

2008-03-05T01:16:00.000-08:00

Now, I didn't watch the Oscars, but I did hear that the song "Falling Slowly" won and Oscar. It's a fantastic song, from a fantastic movie. The song was written by the Frames, and it appears in the movie Once. I encourage ya'll to watch the movie, it was really good, and here's music video for the song by the Frames. Enjoy!

In other news...

2008-03-04T21:05:00.000-08:00

Some things that have been on my mind lately...

1. Darjeeling Limited. Amazing movie. Ya'll should see it.
2. I have been getting 5-10 hits on my blog every day. Am I really that interesting?
3. I don't think I'm cut out for college, and am seriously considering dropping out. Not soon, but eventually. Oddly enough, I don't think I would feel that bad about it.
4. My room. I need to clean it. Bad.
5. Girls. Well, let's be honest, when are they not on my mind?
6. Small town politics. Seriously people, I have enough drama as it is, can't you just leave me be?

That's about it.

Interesting things

2008-03-03T16:58:00.000-08:00

Ahem. Quotes from recently:

"They [the Shakers] don't believe in sex, so they died out pretty quickly."

"It would suck to wake up dead."

"I wouldn't want that in my anus."

"Woops, that was your asshole, not your vagina."

"Troooooon."

Also, in other news, Captain Nemo passed me on the street today, ya know, the captain of the nautilus, anyways, he looked like this:

Except that he had white hair... but, really.

Dear...

2008-03-03T00:38:00.000-08:00

Dear person from michigan,
Who are you, and why are you reading my blog?

Nah, I'm just joking... really, I've been getting hits and returning visitors from weird places and michigan is one of them. So really, who are you? Don't be shy.

In other news... SNATCH is amazing. (no, not that kind of snatch) I mean, the movie. Anyways, ya'll should see it. Along with Boondock Saints and Death at a Funeral. Amazing.

My new favorite thing...

2008-02-28T23:45:00.000-08:00

So, flash mobs are officially my new favorite thing. YouTube featured a video of a flash mob group in New York (Improv Everywhere), though I've heard of it before, this was pretty amazing. Essentially, what a flash mob is is a group of people, usually a lot of people, who get together and pull a harmless prank. Say, for instance, doing a freeze-framesque sort of thing:

Also, another fantastic example of this is this stunt, performed a department store in New York:

Here's the link to Improv Everywhere's YouTube channel, if you want to see more of their videos: Improv Everywhere You Tube

ENJOY!

Please Don't Tell Her

2008-02-28T14:30:00.001-08:00

By: Jason Mraz

I hear she's kicking ass across the board and rock two hundred thousand higher scorer
Just in time to save the world of being taken over
She's a warrior
I couldn't play again because the game it never end it never even landed on the can
And never let me in to spend my quarter
There's no love for me no more

Say it isn't so
How she easily come, and she easy go
Please don't tell her that I've been meaning to miss her
Because I don't

She was the girl with the broadest shoulders
But she would die before I crawled over them
She is taller than I am
She knew I wouldn't mind the view there
Or the altitude with a mouth full of air
She let me down the doubt came out until the now became later

Say that it isn't so
How she easily come, how she easy go
Please don't tell her that
'Cause she don't really need to know

That I'm crazy like the rest of us
And I'm crazier when I'm next to her

So why after the all of everything that came and went
I care enough to still be singing of the bitter end and broken eras
I told you I don't but
I am only trying to be the best with my intent to cure
The rest is sure to lay me ease the plural hurts of the words of reverse psychology
That's easier said
Easier than done
Please don't dare tell her what I've become
Please don't mention all the attention I have drawn
Please don't bother cause she'll feel guilty when I'm gone

Because I'm crazy like the rest of us
But I'm crazier when I'm next to her
And it's amazing how she's so self-assured
But I know she'd hate me if she knew my words
Do I hurt anymore
Do I hurt, well
I don't
I don't
I don't

Sorry, one more

2008-02-28T00:20:00.001-08:00

This is how I feel in a nutshell

2008-02-27T23:43:00.000-08:00

One day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is love? How can I find it?"
His teacher answered, "There is a vast wheat field in front. Walk forward without turning back, and pick only one stalk. If you find the most magnificent stalk, then you have found love."
Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with empty hands, having picked nothing. His teacher asked, "Why did you not pick any stalk?" Plato answered, "Because I could only pick once, and yet I could not turn back. I did find the most magnificent stalk, but did not know if there were any better ones ahead, so I did not pick it. As I walked further, the stalks that I saw were not as good as the earlier one, so I did not pick any in the end.
His teacher then said, "And that is love."

Say it to me now

2008-02-27T23:41:00.000-08:00

By: the Frames

Scratching at the surface now
And I'm trying hard to work it out
And so much has gone misunderstood
This mystery only leads to doubt
And I'm looking for a sign
In this dark uneasy time

So if you have something to say
Say it to me now

And I'm not trying to pass the buck
I'm just trying to get a better look
And I'm wondering how it feels for you
Now that the shoe is on the other foot
And I didn't understand
When you reached down to take my hand

And if you have something to say
You'd better say it now

Cause this is what you've waited for
A chance to even up the score
And as these shadows fall on me now
I will somehow

Cause I'm clearing up this wreckage Lord
And there's more than you've ever seen before

So if you have something to say
Say it to me now

March 21st, 2005

2008-02-27T15:10:00.001-08:00

Do you remember that day? I do. It's my favorite day in my life thus far.

Listen. Just do it.

2008-02-25T21:22:00.000-08:00

It's just a song, not actually a video. Listen. Just do it. You know you want to. It's a good song.

The truth is...

2008-02-24T01:23:00.000-08:00

Quote from the movie Just Friends

Chris: "I haven't been a very good friend. And I'm sorry. The truth is, I'm afraid to be your friend, because I'm always going to want more. But then I got to thinking, I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all."
Jamie: "Why are you back here?"
Chris: "Because I want to take you on a date. And I don't care if it's in the day or at night or whenever, as long as it's a real date. And I want to tell you how beautiful I think you are, inside and out. And I want to have babies with you, and I want to marry you. And I love you, Jamie. I always have."

Be Your Love

2008-02-21T18:02:00.001-08:00

By: Rachel Yamagata

If I could take you away
Pretend I was queen
What would you say
Would you think I'm unreal
'Cause everybody's got their way I should feel

Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
Want to be your everything

Everything...

Everything's falling, and I am included in that
Oh, how I try to be just okay, but they just dont care
Yeah, but all I ever really wanted
Was a little piece of you

And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real

Everything will be alright
If you just stay the night
Please, sir, don't you walk away, don't you
walk away, don't you walk away
Please, sir, don't you walk away, don't you
walk away, don't you walk away

And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real, mmmmm
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real

And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real

I want to be your love, love, love

Black and White

2008-02-21T15:11:00.000-08:00

Things are never black and white, and it is rarely easy to do the right thing.

Happy 500th to me!

2008-02-21T12:04:00.000-08:00

Yay!!! This is officially my 500th post! How exciting! And.... I just got my webcam to work, so very soon there will be video posts as well as the regular text posts, which I can guarantee will be more entertaining. Anyways, have a good day all!

A Story that Could Be True

2008-02-21T01:57:00.000-08:00

By: William Stafford

If you were exchanged in the cradle and
your real mother died
without ever telling the story
then no one knows your name,
and somewhere in the world
your father is lost and needs you
but you are far away.

He can never find
how true you are, how ready.
When the great wind comes
and the robberies of the rain
you stand on the corner shivering.
The people who go by--
you wonder at their calm.

They miss the whisper that runs
any day in your mind,
"Who are you really, wanderer?"--
and the answer you have to give
no matter how dark and cold
the world around you is:
"Maybe I'm a king."

Good days and bad days

2008-02-19T20:47:00.001-08:00

Some days are good days. Some days I don't think about you at all. Today is not one of those days.

Ew, she's got cooties

2008-02-18T23:25:00.001-08:00

I love you

2008-02-18T01:22:00.000-08:00

He he, funny videos...

Ahem...

2008-02-17T23:42:00.000-08:00

Dear former best friend,
How much do I wish we were still friends?

Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much.

(And more)

All the ice cream cones in the world,
Lex.

Hey ya, but better

2008-02-16T21:15:00.000-08:00

So, I like the Outkast version, but this version is way better:
Hey Ya - Mat Weddle
The lyrics are below, in case you actually care.

Hey Ya
By: Outkast

[Verse One - Andre 3000]
My baby don't mess around
Because she loves me so
And this I know for shooo..
Uh, But does she really wanna
But can't stand to see me
Walk out the dooor..
Don't try to fight the feelin'
Because the thought alone is killing me right nooww..
Uh, thank god for mom and dad
For sticking two together
'Cause we don't know hooowww...
UH!

[Chorus:]
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa..
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa..
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa..
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa..
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa..
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa..
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa..
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa..

[Verse Two - Andre 3000]
You think you've got it
Ohh, you think you've got it
But got it just don't get it
Till' there's nothing at
AaaaaaaaAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAaaaaaallllll..
We get together
Ohh, we get together
But seperate's always better when there's feelings
InvooooooOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOooooooOOOOOlved
If what they say is "Nothing is forever"
Then what makes, Then what makes, Then what makes
Then what makes, Then what makes LOOVVEEE?
(Love exception) So why you, why you
Why you, why you, why you are we so in denial
When we know we're not happy heeeerrreeee...
Y'all don't want me here you just wanna dance

[Chorus]
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH)
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH)
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.. (Don't want to meet your daddy, OHH OH)
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.. (Just want you in my Caddy OHH OH)
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH, don't want to meet yo' mama OHH OH)
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.. (Just wan't to make you cumma OHH OH)
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.. (I'm, OHH OH I'm, OHH OH)
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.. (I'm just being honest OHH OH, I'm just being honest)

[Bridge - Andre 3000]
Hey, alright now
Alright now fellas, (YEAH!)
Now what's cooler than bein' cool?
(ICE COLD!) I can't hear ya'
I say what's cooler than bein' cool?
(ICE COLD!) whooo...
Alright, alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, Ok now ladies, (YEAH!)
And we gon' break this thing down in just a few seconds
Now don't have me break this thang down for nothin'
Now I wanna see y'all on y'all baddest behavior
Lend me some suga', I am your neighbor ahh here we go!
Shake it, shake, shake it, shake it (OHH OH)
Shake it, shake it, shake, shake it, shake it, shake it (OHH OH)
Shake it, shake it like a Polaroid Picture, shake it, shake it
Shh you got to, shake it, shh shake it, shake it, got to shake it
(Shake it Suga') shake it like a Poloroid Picture

[Verse Three - Andre 3000 (Repeating "Shake it" in background)]
Now while Beyonce's and Lucy Lui's
And baby dolls, get on the floor
(Get on the floor)
You know what to dooo..
You know what to dooo..
You know what to do!

[Chorus]
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH)
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH)
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH)
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.. (Uh oh, Hey Ya)
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH)
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.. (Uh, uh, OHH OH)
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH)
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH)

[Chorus continues until fade]

Alive With The Glory Of Love

2008-02-16T14:54:00.000-08:00

By: Say Anything

When I watch you, wanna do you, right where you're standing…yeah.
Right on the foyer, on this dark day, right in plain view…oh, yeah….
Of the whole ghetto, the boot-stomped meadows, but we ignore that, yeah.
You're lovely baby, this war is crazy, I won't let you down…oh, no no….

No, I won't let them take you, won't let them take you…Hell, no no…
Oh, no…I won't let them take you, won't let them take you…Hell, no no…
No, oh no, no, no….

And when our city vast and shitty falls to the Axis, yeah…
They'll search the buildings, collect gold fillings, wallets, and rings…oh, yeah.
But Miss Black Eyeliner, you'd look finer with each day in hiding, oh yeah…
Beneath the wormwood, ooooo, love me so good…
They won't hear us screw away the day.
I'll make you say:

“Alive! Alive! Alive with love, alive with love tonight…”
“Alive! Alive! Alive with love, alive with love tonight…”

(No, I won't let them take you, won't let them take you…Hell, no no…
Whoa, no…I won't let them take you, won't let them take you…Hell, no no…)

Our Treblinka is alive with the glory of love….
Treblinka, alive with the glory of love! Yeah!

(Ok, speed it up….Go!)

Should they catch us and dispatch us to those separate WORK camps.
I'll dream about you, I will not doubt you with the passing of time….Oh, yeah.
Should they kill me, your love will fill me as warm as the bullets, yeah.
I'll know my purpose: this war was worth this. I won't let you down…

No, I won’t….
No, I won’t….
No, I won’t….

(Alive! Alive! Alive with love, alive with love tonight…)
Hell no, no…Whoa, no, I won't let them take you, won't let them take you….Hell, no, no.
No! No!

Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T21:20:00.000-08:00

I really do not like Valentine's Day. It's not that something traumatic has happened on Valentine's Day, it's usually pretty uneventful. I just hate it. It sucks when you're single because it reminds you of the love you don't have. And it sucks when you're with someone because there's so much expectation. So:

Fuck Valentine's Day. In the dark.

Keep Fishin'

2008-02-13T16:10:00.000-08:00

By: Weezer

You'll never be
A better kind
If you don't leave
The world behind

Waste my days
Drown aways

It's just the thought of you
In love with someone else
It breaks my heart to see you
Hangin' from your shelf

You'll never do
The things you want
If you don't move
And get a job

Waste my days
Drown aways

It's just the thought of you
In love with someone else
It breaks my heart to see you
Hangin' from your shelf

Oh girl, when I'm in love with you
Keep fishin' if you feel it's true
There's nothin' much that we can do
To save you from yourself

Waste my days
Drown aways

It's just the thought of you
In love with someone else
It breaks my heart to see you
Hangin' from your shelf

Oh girl, when I'm in love with you
Keep fishin' if you feel it's true
There's nothin' much that we can do
To save you from yourself

You'll never be
A better kind
You'll never be
A better kind

(And get a job)Waste my days
(And get a job)Waste my days
(And get a job)Waste my days
(And get a job)Waste my days
Waste my days

(Waste my days) Whoa-oh
(Waste my days) Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
(Waste my days) Oh, oh
(Waste my days) Oh, oh
Waste my days

Sinatra's Hand

2008-02-04T22:10:00.000-08:00

"Me and Willie Banks, we've been around long enough to have both shook Frank Sinatra's hand. And there's a code amongst guys who shook Sinatra's hand." -Ocean's 13

If only things were still like this.

Woe

2008-02-02T22:50:00.000-08:00

By: Say Anything

All the words in my mouth
that the scene deemed unworthy of letting out
banded together to form a makeshift militia
and burrowed bloodily through my tongue and my teeth.
I stood proud in the gallery
With my open socket of a mouth for them to see.
They all just laughed and said
"That boy, he, that boy's got woe. Woe.
He lives with woe. Woe."

And this girl who I met
Whose pride makes her hard to forget,
She took pity on me horizontally
But most likely because of my band.(hey)

It's all I can get when I'm lonely
And these visions of death seem to own me
In the quiet of the classrooms
All across the stacked United States of Woe. Woe.
We live with woe.

She said "I can't get laid in this town
Without these pointy fucking shoes.
My feet are so black and blue and so are you."
Please take me out of my body
Up through the palm trees
To smell California in sweet hypocrisy.
Floating my senses surround my body.
I wake my nose to smell that ocean burn.

So now I'm forging ahead
Past all the plutocrats who sold me out.
Go sob in your bed.
If life is twice as pretty once your dead
Then send me a card.
I'm still the optimist though it is hard
When all you want to be
Is in a dream.
(A dream)

Seriously?

2008-01-31T20:49:00.001-08:00

Do all birthdays really have to end in tears?

Waiting in Covington

2008-01-31T14:02:00.001-08:00

This is a song written by a friend of a friend. Its a fantastic song, and I really relate to the lyrics, so I thought I'd share them.

waiting in covington
By: paco daniel minassian

here i am, at this church
praying that you’ll come
not knowing if you are or aren’t the one
waiting in Covington

here i am, so unsure
if love has gone or just begun
not knowing if your heart is set to run
waiting in Covington

did i come here today to say goodbye?
did i come way too far too late?
do i let all the memories of Covington die?
or do i stay right here and wait?

the rain keeps falling down
will i ever see the sun?
will the dream remain, or will all be said and done
waiting in Covington?

i sing my heart before you now
but was it better left unsung?
will you say there’s hope, or will you say there’s none
waiting in Covington?

did i come here today to say goodbye?
did i come way too far too late?
do i let all the memories of Covington die?
or do i stay right here and wait?

here i am, at this church
praying you’ll still come
not knowing if you are or aren’t the one
waiting in Covington

Ouch.

2008-01-30T10:20:00.001-08:00

Just ouch.

Heart Strings...

2008-01-29T01:34:00.001-08:00

Here's some songs that have recently been pulling at my heart strings, and my favorite lines from said songs:

1. Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley.

"Your faith was strong but you needed proof, you saw her bathing on the roof, her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you. She tied you to her kitchen chair, she broke your throne and she cut your hair and from your lips she drew the hallelujah."

"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, and love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah."

"Remember when I moved in you, and the holy dove was moving too, and every breath we drew was hallelujah."

"It's not a cry that you hear at night, and it's not somebody who's seen the light, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah."

2. Braille - Regina Spektor

" And it was raining cats and dogs out side of her window, and she knew they were destined to become sacred road kill on the way, and she was listening to the sound of heavens shaking
thinking about puddles, puddles and mistakes."

3. Samson - Regina Spektor

"You are my sweetest downfall. I loved you first. I loved you first."

4. On the Radio - Regina Spektor

"This is how it works: you're young until you're not, you love until you don't, you try until you can't, you laugh until you cry, you cry until you laugh, and everyone must breathe until their dying breath. Oh, this is how it works, you peer inside yourself, you take the things you like, then try to love the things you took, and then you take that love you made and stick it into some, someone else's heart, pumping someone else's blood."

5. Winter - Joshua Radin

"I remember the sound, of your November downtown. And I remember the truth of a warm December with you. But I don't have to make this mistake. And I don't have to stay this way. If only I would wait."

6. Let Go - Frou Frou

"Drink up, baby down, are you in or are you out. Leave your things behind, because it's all going off without you. Excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy. These mishaps, your bubble wrap, when you've no idea what you're like."

7. Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap
"Oily marks appear on walls, where pleasure moments hung before the takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this still life."

8. Can't Slow Down - Brett Dennen
"I'll kiss you once, baby, I'll kiss you twice, but I can't kiss you for the rest of your life. Because I'm not fit to be the man that makes you a wife."

9. The General - Dispatch
"Take a shower and shine your shoes, you've got no time to lose, you're young men, you must be living."

10. Sunday Morning - Howie Day
"If only you were here right now, you'd tell me: Wouldn't it be something if everything changed. Wouldn't I be something in your way. And wouldn't it be more than living in your wake, if you and I would ever cease to be?"

11. All I Need - Matt Kearney
"If nothing is safe then I don't understand. You call me a boy, but I'm trying to be the man. One more day and it's all slipping with the sand. You touch my lips and grab the back of my hand."

"I guess we both know we're in over our heads. We've got nowhere to go and no home that's left. The water is rising on a river turning red. It all might be okay, or we might be dead. If everything we've got is slipping away, I meant what I said when I said until my dying day. I'm holding onto you, holding onto me, maybe it's all gone black but you're all I need."

12. Paperweight - Joshua Radin
"Been up all night, staring at you, wondering what's on your mind. I've been this way with so many before, but this feels like the first time."

"Every word you say, I think I should write down. I don't want to forget, come daylight. Happy to lay here, just happy to be here, I'm happy to know you. Play me a song, your newest one, please leave your taste on my tongue."

Hallelujah

2008-01-24T19:55:00.000-08:00

By: Rufus Wainwright

I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty
in the moonlight
overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne,
she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time you'd let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me do you?
Remember when I moved in you?
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Betrayal

2008-01-23T00:23:00.000-08:00

"You mean, after you betrayed her?"
"She betrayed me. She pretended to love me."
"And after which betrayal did you cut out your heart, I wonder?"
-William Turner and Davey Jones

A change, for once.

2008-01-21T14:50:00.000-08:00

I'm working on being content. It's hard. It's so hard, in fact, that sometimes I think it's impossible. I see everyone else around me, moving in the direction they want to go, accomplishing things they've always wanted to accomplish, and leaving this place behind. It makes me sad. I know it's a long time away, but some of my favorite people in the world are leaving for far away places, and it's hard for me to swallow. The more I think about it, the harder it gets.

How did I get to this place? What brought me into this weird reality? I keep trying to trace back to when things made sense, and now, I find, that time is all a blur. Where did you go? What happened to the way things used to be? I don't know. And I am helpless. I can't bring it back. And it hurts.

I'll be 20 soon. 10 days away. I just keep thinking about when I was 16, and how easy life was back then. I was surrounded by people all the time; people who would hold my hand and tell me everything was going to be alright. Now... It's not like that. I am on my own most of the time, and I have to resort to my own methods of comfort (and they aren't very healthy.) I am trying so hard to be content. But it's just so difficult. Please don't leave me here alone.

Lua

2008-01-08T00:18:00.001-08:00

I absolutely fell in love with this song. It's fantastic. Yay for Bright Eyes

Lua
By: Bright Eyes

I know that it is freezing, but I think we have to walk
I keep waving at the taxis, they keep turning their lights off
But Julie knows a party at some actor's West side loft
Supplies are endless in the evening by the morning they'll be gone

When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend
I'll get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations
with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection
The mask I polish in the evening by the morning looks like shit

And I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss
So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it
But me I'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split
The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist

You're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black
Just keep going to the bathroom, always say you'll be right back
Well, it takes one to know one, kid, I think you've got it bad
But what's so easy in the evening by the morning's such a drag

I got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train
And if you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same
We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain
But what was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane

And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did
It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
Cause what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is

It was so simple in the moonlight now it's so complicated
It was so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight
So simple in the moonlight...

Will you be my noone?

2008-01-06T22:09:00.000-08:00

My favorite poem of all time...

Anyone Lived in a Pretty How Town
By: E.E. Cummings

Anyone lived in a pretty how town
(With up so floating many bells down)
Spring summer autumn winter
He sang his didn't he danced his did

Women and men (both little and small)
Cared for anyone not at all
They sowed their isn't they reaped their same
Sun moon stars rain

Children guess (but only a few
And down they forgot as up they grew
Autumn winter spring summer)
That noone loved him more by more

When by now and tree by leaf
She laughed his joy she cried his grief
Bird by snow and stir by still
Anyone's any was all to her

Someones married their everyones
Laughed their cryings and did their dance
(Sleep wake hope and then) they
Said their nevers they slept their dream

Stars rain sun moon
(And only the snow can begin to explain
How children are apt to forget to remember
With up so floating many bells down)

One day anyone died I guess
(And noone stooped to kiss his face)
Busy folk buried them side by side
Little by little and was by was

All by all and deep by deep
And more and more they dream their sleep
Noone and anyone earth by April
Wish by spirit and if by yes

Women and men (both dong and ding)
Summer autumn winter spring
Reaped their sowing and went their came
Sun moon stars rain.

Thoughts for the day

2008-01-03T22:28:00.001-08:00

Some realizations, if you will.

1. Though the food may be cheaper at Fred Meyers, the time you will spend in the checkout is worth the extra money spent elsewhere.
2. Fake neon fish tank plants are amazing.
3. "Look at my thingy: it's bushy, and it smells funny." (in reference to the tank plant.)
4. Nothing makes you feel better than a nice steak dinner.
5. The only way to drink Corona is with a slice of lime.

Cool.

2008-01-02T13:01:00.001-08:00

Now the soap in my bathroom smells like you. Thanks Jeff. Damn.

Goals for 2008

2008-01-01T15:20:00.001-08:00

Here it is... new year's resolutions... so to speak.

1. Be admitted into the EMT Basic program at LCC
2. Squat max: 200 lbs.
3. Bench max: 120 lbs.
4. Run a mile in under 10 minutes.
5. Move on, little by little.
6. Learn to tango
7. Learn to swing dance
8. Learn to salsa
9. Learn laus dancing.
10. Make new friends.
11. Make amends for things.
12. Pass my fire fighter's physical exam.
13. Learn to speak Norwegian.
14. Commitment issues. 'nough said.
15. Hit level 70 on my hunter and start a new character.
15.

make up your mind, already

2008-01-01T15:19:00.001-08:00

Either you want to acknowledge me or not. Make up your mind.

Quotes of the night...

2007-12-30T02:50:00.000-08:00

"Someone's gonna die, and I'm gonna laugh." -Me
"I will meet Bear Grylls, and stick my face in his genitals." -Meghan
"Now, let's smoke a bowl and have sex." -Meghan
"Don't ever sigh again." -Meghan

Oh, good times, good times.

Thoughts for the day

2007-12-25T18:10:00.000-08:00

More things I have learned...

1. They call it World of WarCrack for a reason.
2. Having a harmonica around makes life more entertaining.
3. The best thing about a fantasy is the possibility that it might come true.
4. People who haven't spoken to each other in a very long time can forgive each other.
5. The fastest way to my heart is through a good song.
6. "3:20 is good, but 4:20 is better." (quote of the day)
7. If you want to clear your name: kidnap the president, crash lots of cars, and find the city of gold.
8. Jason Bourne wins.
9. Nostalgia kinda ruins things.
10. Waking up and realizing you don't love someone really sucks.

A Nice, Steaming Cup Of Nostalgia

2007-12-23T23:44:00.000-08:00

My heart has always belonged to you. Merry Christmas.

You Could Be Happy
By: Snow Patrol

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you, grow
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

Things I have learned recently...

2007-12-04T02:09:00.000-08:00

Over the past few months I have learned some things, and I would like to take this moment to share them with you all:

1. The only thing you can be sure of in life is that you can never be sure of anything.
2. Things change.
3. Attempting to swallow a tablespoon of cinnamon is a really dumb idea.
4. Sometimes your best efforts make things worse.
5. Pickled herring and eggs with Tabasco sauce do not mix.
6. If you have no idea what is going on, don't stop, just keep moving and things will get better.
7. Physics is for people who over-analyze everything.
8. No one has any idea what it means to be human.
9. It's more fun when your wheels don't touch the ground.
10. Planet Earth. 'Nough said.
11. The best man does not always win.
12. Bad things happen to bad and good people, what are you going to do about it?
13. The only person you need is yourself.
14. Pain is only temporary, but the scars may stay forever.
15. The less you think about it, the faster it comes.
16. Roses are red, and violets are blue, but I don't like fighting, and neither should you.
17. I have many talents. A large portion of which are entirely useless.
18. 30 days is a long time... but 60 days is even longer.
19. The older you get, the harder it is to wake up in the morning.
20. No amount of alcohol will make it hurt less.
21. No matter what, just keep walking.
22. Fast food restaurants are good places to look for a unisex bathroom.
23. If you think things can't get any worse... believe me, they can.
24. Remove the phone numbers of any exes you no longer speak to from your phone. It can only end in tears.
25. Don't mess with Norwegians.

Brand new Colony

2007-12-03T21:49:00.000-08:00

By: The Postal Service

I'll be the grapes fermented,
Bottled and served with the table set in my finest suit
Like a perfect gentlemen
I'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the ancient brick
Where you will sit and contemplate your day

I'll be the water wings that save you if you start drowning
In an open tab when your judgment's on the brink
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
Albums back as your lying there drifting off to sleep...
I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you...
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes
I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped straight to the throat
With the collar up so you won't catch a cold

I want to take you far from the cynics int his town
And kiss you on the mouth
We'll cut out bodies free from the tethers of this scene,
Start a brand new colony
Where everything will change,
We'll give ourselves new names (identities erased)
The sun will hear the grounds
Under our bare feet in this brand new colony
Everything will change...

Scanfair...

2007-12-03T21:41:00.000-08:00

A short synopsis of the day at Scanfair:

9:30 Am: Met Lyle and Robby at the JC Cafe to head off to Portland. It was fucking freezing, and Robby came in with a drink that smelled...interesting. Needless to say it was just a follow up of the night before.

From 9:30 to 11:30 we drove to Portland and got a little lost, but not too bad (we made it in time for the pickled herring eating contest!)

Noon was the pickled herring eating contest, which, needless to say, lyle entered. The grand prize was a bottle of aqua vit, and though lyle gave it a valiant effort, he did not win. During said competition, the most adorable old man ever was announcing, and exclaimed "da pickled herring almost fall on da floor!" So funny.

We wandered for a few hours, found the game room and played video games until about 7... then the real fun began.

From 7-11 was the community dancing, which was soooooo much fun. I ended up getting invited to a dance camp called Stemne, and, needless to say, I will be going. :) It's super exciting.

We left at about 10:00 and headed home through the rough weather, Lyle and I had an excellent talk and laughed a whole bunch while Robby slept.

Soo.... I know that's a really short synopsis, but it was a fantastic time, and I hope to do it again next year!

Math quotes...

2007-11-29T13:19:00.001-08:00

From the infamous girl in my math class... who never fucking shuts up...

"It keeps you warm. But it doesn't, too. It does, but it doesn't too. I mean, it is, but... whatever. I don't know."

"Do the formula... the square root of... something."

Performance project quotes of the day...

2007-11-27T22:40:00.001-08:00

"I don't know what it is about this Coriolanus guy... I really have no idea..."

"Don't worry, I don't love your sister."

"Chase me! Chase me!"

"Pretend I'm Coriolanus"

"Uhm... what happens next?"

"The Volces are coming! The Volces are coming!"

"I don't know if we're actually geniuses... but I'd like to think we are."

"Hey little kid, want some candy?"

"I'm one of the free huggers too!"

"It's really weird, waking up at 2 a.m. and hearing high pitched yelling coming from the other room."

"Bathrobes are really hot!"

"Have you ever seen 30 second bunnies? Well. This is like... 8 minute bunnies."

Sonnet 3

2007-11-21T01:27:00.000-08:00

Alright, last one for the night.

Be still my racing heart, be still my mind,
Do not be so quick to fall for this one.
This girl has given you something to find,
So, warm your face in the cold winter sun.

She makes you think that night shines like the day.
She makes the stars dance, and makes the birds sing.
She colors your world from its once dull gray,
And gives new meaning to everything.

Do not be fooled, she is quite wonderful.
Hold onto your heart for one day longer,
And fill your heart with love, till it is full.
You will see that your love has grown stronger.

Do not worry, my racing mind and heart,
For well you know, you loved her from the start.

Sonnet 2

2007-11-21T01:25:00.000-08:00

Another....

Should I look for your face in my bright stars,
Only to see that your eyes have lost shine?
When cut my bleeding heart, and leave me scars,
I know you seek to tear your heart from mine.

But oh, love, should you send me from your sight,
I should think my life may end in sorrow,
That I will dream of you all day and night
And never see the light of tomorrow.

If it please you, my love I'll sing your praise.
And hold your life in the highest regard,
That stars shine and birds sing all of their days.
But you show your heart is nothing but hard.

Praise you, I will not, for my skies are gray,
For now I say, you took that love away

Sonnet

2007-11-21T01:24:00.000-08:00

One more in a string of poems I've written tonight... this one is a sonnet.

Hold fast my bleeding heart in your cold hand,
For I know not what love will have me do.
And only that you know my love is grand,
Brings forth this hope, for once, and life anew.

And so I say that love is no sure thing.
That lovers do quarrel and hold pride tight,
Await the day when joy will fortune bring,
But lay them down to love every dark night.

Should this, my fate, bring upon my young head,
And keep me lost from your temperate shores,
I should think it better I had been dead,
Than lose your love to winter's windy wars.

And I see my purpose in stars above,
That you, my dear, should have all of my love.

My love

2007-11-21T01:21:00.000-08:00

wrote this one tonight, hope you like it. Just thoughts on a page, nothing more.

My Love

My love, my dear once lost at sea
When land her here bears hope for me
That my embrace should shelter from
The winter cold and summer sun.
Yet my love waits to see the day,
When hope keeps tears and fears at bay.
My love, she weeps to see me gone
Or so I hope, my love, anon.
Good lady, see my love is true
A day that shines with hope anew.
Cast me not from your warm bed,
For losing you I always dread.
And sleep, your mind at ease tonight,
For I, one day will make it right.

Actresses, anyone?

2007-11-20T21:15:00.000-08:00

God, I'm bored. So, here's another list... this time of my favorite actresses, in no particular order...

1. Sarah Shahi

Yeah, she's just hot. She plays Carmen in the L word, and she is fantastic.

2. Sandra Bullock, yeah, she's pretty fantastic too.

3. Susan Sarandon. She's not ugly, that's for sure, but I absolutely loved her in Elizabethtown, and she's fantastic as well...

3. Judy Dench. Ok, so, she's not attractive at all, but I think she is an amazing actress. Watch Notes on a Scandal. You'll understand.

4. Nicole Kidman. 'Nough said.

5. Jennifer Garner. I don't think she's really that great of an actress, but she's hot...

Ok... it's a short list, but there.

10 Things I wish...

2007-11-20T20:50:00.000-08:00

1. I wish I had sideburns (though, I think it is genetically impossible for me to grow them, as I have tried and failed)

2. I wish I was a squirrel.

3. I wish dogs could talk.

4. I wish my life would move just a little faster toward the future.

5. I wish I could read people's minds.

6. I wish I lived in London.

7. I wish I was fighting fires... right now.

8. I wish my dad didn't have ms.

9. I wish my extended family was less oblivious.

10. I wish my middle name was Rupert. ( I have no idea why)

In the news today...

2007-11-19T16:47:00.000-08:00

Quote of the day: "And they were wearing these really gay southern outfits." -Random dude in the EMU

As I was riding the bus home tonight I noticed that there is a house near where I live that is being painted purple... like, this color purple:

For the love of god, people, don't paint your house this color. All I can think of are plums and the one eyed, one horned, flying, purple people eater. That is not okay.

Breakdown

2007-11-19T13:05:00.000-08:00

By: Jack Johnson

I hope this old train breaks down
Then I could take a walk around
And, see what there is to see
And time is just a melody
All the people in the street
Walk as fast as their feet can take them
I just roll through town
And though my windows got a view
The frame im looking through
Seems to have no concern for now
So for now

I need this here
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown

This engine screams out loud
Centipede gunna crawl westbound
So I don't even make a sound
Cause it's gunna sting me when I leave this town
All the people in the street
That i'll never get to meet
If these tracks don't bend somehow
And I got no time
That I got to get to
Where I don't need to be
So I

I need this here
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I need this here
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I wanna break on down
But I cant stop now
Let me break on down

But you cant stop nothing
If you got no control
Of the thoughts in your mind
That you kept in, you know
You don't know nothing
But you don't need to know
The wisdoms in the trees
Not the glass windows
You cant stop wishing
If you don't let go
But things that you find
And you lose, and you know
You keep on rolling
Put the moment on hold
The frames too bright
So put the blinds down low

I need this here
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I need this here
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I wanna break on down
But I cant stop now

NOTE!

2007-11-18T23:02:00.000-08:00

Ok, so, the format of my blog is going to change a bit. Yeah, I know, it's sad, but this is the way it has to be. I'm not going to delete the old stuff because it's way too much work with the new blogger layout to fix it all again, so this one stays. Apparently there has been some concern recently on the nature of my posts, so, from now on, it will only be stuff that would not be like what you would see in a journal. So, there it is. If anyone has a problem with my posts, I suggest you take it up with me, and not with anyone else. Thanks a bunch for reading, and hopefully things will be less emotional and more interesting from now on.

On health, in sickness

2007-11-08T05:39:00.000-08:00

If you look at the time stamp on this entry, you're probably wondering why I am up writing in my blog at 5:40 in the morning. You are especially wondering this if you know that I don't have class until 3 this afternoon. Well. I'm sick again. So the reason I can't sleep is not because I can't breathe, but because I took medicine so I could breathe, and now I'm trippin' on it. Fun.

Being sick is just a slight hiccup at this point. I like to think of myself as a fairly healthy human being. I generally get a disgusting amount of sleep for a college student, and I eat as well as my budget will allow. I also believe that I am a lot healthier emotionally, but that's still up for debate. I'm a very "back and forth" kind of person. That is to say that I just can't make up my mind what I want, which I'm told is not unusual at this stage in life. Truth is, that doesn't make me feel better about uncertainty.

And what, you might ask, am I thinking about at this early hour of the morning? School. Family. Love. Life. Carry on my wayward son, which has been stuck in my head now for a couple of days. I suppose I will elaborate, since I'm trying to trick myself into thinking that I don't feel all squirmy and twitchy right now.

School. God, what to say about school. I finally changed my physics class to a pass/ no pass option, so it won't hurt my GPA so much, because I will likely get a C in the class. My math class, which I am doing quite well in, has been a lot less of a headache recently, mostly for the simple fact that I am doing well. My Shakespeare class is a delight, as usual. We watched the movie Seven last night, and it was fantastic. The thing that is the biggest worry at the moment, though, is my lack of a major. I can't decide what I would like to major in, and it's really causing me some headaches. I would love to major in Scandinavian Studies, but they don't offer it at U of O. Lame. My second choice would be Comparative Literature, but I've heard it's harder than an English major, and I'm not sure I'm up to snuff. Otherwise, school is something I tend to enjoy these days. I love to learn, it makes me feel a little less insignificant in the world.

My family is more or less a concern for me right now because I miss them. I get to see them practically every weekend, but I still miss seeing them. I know now that the home they made for me and our family was a very safe space for me, and though I needed to get out and make a home for myself, I miss that security. The world is pretty big and scary, and there are just so many things to learn, home felt smaller, warmer, and far more friendly than the world I'm in now. I love my family, and I am so thankful for them. They do so much for me, and they love me for who I am, which means a lot to me.

I'm not going to elaborate on the love life. You've all heard enough about that already, and I'm sure if you want to know more, you'd ask. That said, I am going to try to go back to sleep now, let's hope it works. I hope you all have a wonderful week. Take care.

The wasteland.

2007-11-05T23:09:00.001-08:00

Your mom

2007-11-05T17:07:00.000-08:00