Parents Parents Parents
I must say that I loathe parents and their paranoia. I cannot stand that they are constantly scared that their little angel might make a mistake, that they may actually make a descision on their own. This can be quite frustrating. And I can say that parents are particularly good at causing your world to crash down around you and act like nothing is wrong the next day. They are also particularly good at scaring the shit out of you.
I can't even begin to count the number of times that parents have caused me much stress... too much. They just act like it's nothing, like it's just childs play to break someone's heart. Like it's just the norm to cause so much stress that one wants to throw up until they can't throw up anymore in hopes of feeling better in the long run.
I can't count the number of times I have lost sleep over the things parents have said. I can't count the number of times I have wanted to die after hearing certain things that parents say without even thinking.
I have particularly bad luck with parents. I think that the saying "I am the kid your mom warned you about" goes quite well. You see, it doesn't matter whose parents happen to be on the receiving end of my hospitality, it always comes across as being "too influencial," well, shit, what am I supposed to do now? "It is easier to change one's hankerchief than one's disposition." How true that is. This is no longer about the things I say or do, this is about me, all of me... my whole life, who I am. God damnit... no one can ever just be ok with who I am, and I, for one, am sick and tired of trying to be what everyone wants. I am sick and tired of living behind a mask. I am sick and tired of hurting so much that I am numb to everything else. I am sick and tired of trying to be happy and failing miserably. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Is it too much to ask to want to be happy and get what I want for once? Is it too much to ask to be allowed to be selfish?
I guess the question I am posing to the world, is, what the hell am I supposed to do now? What I am supposed to do after my world has crashed down on my head one too many times? What am I supposed to do when I find myself puzzling over this paradox of what to do once again? I am sick of trying to figure out what it is I am supposed to do. Someone, please tell me... am I just being another angsty teenager, or are my concerns valid for once?
I can't even begin to count the number of times that parents have caused me much stress... too much. They just act like it's nothing, like it's just childs play to break someone's heart. Like it's just the norm to cause so much stress that one wants to throw up until they can't throw up anymore in hopes of feeling better in the long run.
I can't count the number of times I have lost sleep over the things parents have said. I can't count the number of times I have wanted to die after hearing certain things that parents say without even thinking.
I have particularly bad luck with parents. I think that the saying "I am the kid your mom warned you about" goes quite well. You see, it doesn't matter whose parents happen to be on the receiving end of my hospitality, it always comes across as being "too influencial," well, shit, what am I supposed to do now? "It is easier to change one's hankerchief than one's disposition." How true that is. This is no longer about the things I say or do, this is about me, all of me... my whole life, who I am. God damnit... no one can ever just be ok with who I am, and I, for one, am sick and tired of trying to be what everyone wants. I am sick and tired of living behind a mask. I am sick and tired of hurting so much that I am numb to everything else. I am sick and tired of trying to be happy and failing miserably. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Is it too much to ask to want to be happy and get what I want for once? Is it too much to ask to be allowed to be selfish?
I guess the question I am posing to the world, is, what the hell am I supposed to do now? What I am supposed to do after my world has crashed down on my head one too many times? What am I supposed to do when I find myself puzzling over this paradox of what to do once again? I am sick of trying to figure out what it is I am supposed to do. Someone, please tell me... am I just being another angsty teenager, or are my concerns valid for once?
posted by Elk Hat at 8:43 PM
2 Comments:
At first when I started reading your blog I thought to myself "Oh here comes another teenager complaining about their horrible parents" but then I stopped to remember that I once felt the way you do. I don't know how old you are, but it seems you are between 16-18, which is a time in everyone's life that we are quickly becoming adults and forming our own opinions. Our parents may have forgotten what that was like because they have years of experience that has given them a much "safer" perspective. The thing is, you have to experiment with life to learn about the good and the bad. That doesn't mean being reckless, but it does mean we will disappoint our parents, our friends, and ourselves and that is uncontrollable. It seems as if you are frustrated that they're not accepting you and their acceptance is important to you. You will set yourself up for disappointment if you think you have to please everyone all the time, including yourself. They do have control over your life until you leave the house, but while you're there if you show them you care about what happens to you and you are thinking 2 steps ahead, I guarantee it could wake them up. There's nothing wrong with being frustrated, just use it constructively. You are obviously a very articulate individual so use it to your advantage...
Wow Tophat. This is deep. I know how you feal. Parents can be a real pain in the you-know-what. Mine have done things that made me feal like you were fealing. I don't know what to tell you though.
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