Elevators

I'm the kind of person that will get on an elevator, just to feel like I am part of something. I'll get into a traffic jam, just to believe that I am part of something larger than myself. I can't be on my own, this I know for sure. Without you, everything still goes on, but I'm not there. There's a part of my heart that I lost to you when you left, a part of me I can never get back. Does it hurt? Hell yeah. It's just a twist in the knife that is already in my back.

I used to have so much to write about, so much to be happy about. Now, the music is gone. It's all meaningless to me... I can't get these feelings out on paper, and I don't know what to do about it. I can't find anyone else right now, I can't speed time up to a few years down the road and try again, I can't even guarantee that I will get a second try. I 'm pretty confused, and I try to hide the hurt that I have, but it always comes out as anger.

We always fight now, it's like we hate eachother more than we ever loved eachother, but it's the same kind of passion that was there when we were us. Everything's changed, and I hate it. I hate everything that has happened to us. We could be really happy together, do you know that? I don't think you see things the same way I do.

I used to think that you were the best thing that ever happened to me, because you loved me for who I was not what I was like everyone else. You gave me the attention I needed when no one else would. I needed you, and I still need you, but my heart knows that I can't have you right now, so I'm moving on. I like to say I'm over you, and it's true in part, I'm much more over you than I was a month ago, but it's still kills me every once and a while. At least I'm not crying myself to sleep at night.

You probably don't miss me, but I miss you. I wish that things could be the way they were... they probably can't, but I still have hope.