Still trying

I always try to give you reasons not to love me, in hopes that you won't feel bad, or feel like to you need to hide something. I keep hoping that one day I'll screw up big time, maybe like sleeping with someone, or something to that effect, so that then you don't have a reason to love me.

The thing that's even more pathetic than wanting that is that I just can't bring myself to do it. Not for lack of trying, but the thing that keeps me from doing anything is thoughts of you.

Pathetic... that's just the all around feeling I have now.