How far away are you?
Oh, this past week has been crazy, what with work and all. Not to mention the fact that I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Oh, the crazy world I live in. The truth is, I still can't get her off my mind. It comes in waves. Some days I am fine (on the rare occasion, of course). I wake up, not having dreamed about her, and I go on about my day. Other days it's like I'm in a movie of all of the most painful memories that still haunt me. I wake up, after a long night of dream after dream about her, and roll out of bed, and sometimes it hurts so much I can't breathe. I have to take a couple of extra breaths and try to stand up without collapsing. I wish, every day, that things had played out differently. I wish that we were still friends, and still talking, because I miss her friendship. I miss being able to tell her everything. She was my best friend. And now, I'm pretty sure she hates me with the fire of a thousand suns.
For whatever it's worth though, I am sorry for everything that I did that hurt her. I never meant to hurt her, and the hurtful things I have said on this blog were a knee-jerk reaction to the pain I was feeling. I still love her, and yes, I have always loved her. I have never stopped. There are times that I have been more angry with her than I can possibly explain, but I loved her all the while.
I wish I could tell her all these things. I wish I could make things better, but wishing never gets you anywhere. You either have to take action, or sit back and let things be. Either choice is a hard one to make. Either way, I don't want to sound like a blubbering idiot if I tried to talk to her, which is likely what I would sound like.
Oh, I don't know. I hate that this blog has become a sob fest about my life... I'm sorry to all who read, that's probably why no one reads anymore. Really, I know you are all sick to death of hearing about it. Needless to say, I can't promise that I will stop talking about it. All I need right now is support from my friends, and maybe a hug or two.
For whatever it's worth though, I am sorry for everything that I did that hurt her. I never meant to hurt her, and the hurtful things I have said on this blog were a knee-jerk reaction to the pain I was feeling. I still love her, and yes, I have always loved her. I have never stopped. There are times that I have been more angry with her than I can possibly explain, but I loved her all the while.
I wish I could tell her all these things. I wish I could make things better, but wishing never gets you anywhere. You either have to take action, or sit back and let things be. Either choice is a hard one to make. Either way, I don't want to sound like a blubbering idiot if I tried to talk to her, which is likely what I would sound like.
Oh, I don't know. I hate that this blog has become a sob fest about my life... I'm sorry to all who read, that's probably why no one reads anymore. Really, I know you are all sick to death of hearing about it. Needless to say, I can't promise that I will stop talking about it. All I need right now is support from my friends, and maybe a hug or two.
posted by Elk Hat at 4:22 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home