At odds

The past couple days, I have been at odds within. It's no fun. See... I love to be missed, and I love to be wanted, and of course, I love to be loved. But for some reason, now, when I hear it, it makes me shiver. Not because it's a good thing, but because it almost makes me sick to my stomach. I mean, I'm doing ok now, and hearing that I'm missed just rips me up, because I'm trying to move on. I'm not saying that, given the chance, I wouldn't take back what I had, because I would, in an instant. But it's getting to the point where I just don't do well when I hear that there's still a chance, even though I live in a world of false hopes. Like I've said a million times, I'll just try back in a couple of years, that way, I'll know for sure.

Other than all of that, things are going ok today. I am overly tired, for no reason whatsoever, and I have to read at 600 page book by 4th period on Wednesday and I'm only 200 pages in. For those of you who aren't into math... that's just under 110 pages a day. No fun. Ah well, all from being a procrastinator.

There is certainly some pressure that still exists though... I need a job! So far I have put applications in at at least 10 different locations, none of which have called me at all. I'm starting to become hopeless. I really do need the money though. Not for Christmas, but for college. Sabrina and I have to start getting a plan together for stuff for our appartment, and we have to start buying things, but guess what, I can't do that without any money! Good Lord, it's a real battle. So if you hear anything about any job openings, tell me!