Playing the game
I try to write. Nothing comes out. I try to speak, and the words fail me. I can't play, I can't sing, I just can't do it. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because I'm so madly in love with someone who can't get past the fact that there's nothing wrong with it. Perhaps it's because I can't even focus long enough to finish a movie, let alone anything important. Perhaps it's because I feel like my life is going off the tracks. I can feel it in my face. Everything that seems so right is about to go wrong.
I feel like sometimes people just play around with me, just to see what my reaction will truly be. Just to see if that white light will blind me and I'll fall to my knees and beg them to stop. I think people just like to see me crash. They just like to know that they are in control, and all they have to do is push the right buttons, and suddenly I'm flying through the air into oblivion. That's all it takes really.
All it takes is one touch to put me into a fog, one so thick I can't see my hands in front of my own face. It's like I'm meandering aimlessly around a deserted forest, looking for someone who doesn't really exist, but I can still hear their voice in my head. Every once in a while a tree will reach its roots out and trip me. I'll fall on my face, cut up my arms and legs, and then get up and move on as though nothing happens.
I've heard that love makes you do crazy things. It's not a lie. It does. It makes you think that you can fly, when really, you don't have wings, you're just like everyone else, just plummeting down the same bottomless pit, except you don't realize it, because this bright red feeling clouds your vision. It makes you believe that you can have something you really can't, and that that something you can't have is worth fighting for. You try to find a reason, is there one?
Is there a reason that you keep fighting for someone who can't be with you? Is there a reason you keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, when it may not even exist? Do the touches, and the "I love yous" and the "I miss yous" really make you think that that hope exists for a reason? What are you doing?
You can ask yourself these questions over and over again. You may never get answers. You may get answers you don't like. But the point is that you are still playing the game. You persevere, even though you see no logical reason to do so. You continue to take shots, even though you know that it's a virtual certainty that they will be blocked. You keep working so hard to get the one you love to see that it's ok that they love you. What does it get you?
For now, nothing. For now, it gets and occasional "slip-up," a show of affection. For now it's gets a soft touch, but only when your lover falls down. For now, it gets you hope that something greater may be possible in the future. What do you do? You keep playing the game. Why? Because that's what's required. In order to get what you want, you have to try for it. You have to try to obtain the one thing that makes you happy, whatever that may be.
Until then, just keep playing the game. Maybe someday you'll win.
I feel like sometimes people just play around with me, just to see what my reaction will truly be. Just to see if that white light will blind me and I'll fall to my knees and beg them to stop. I think people just like to see me crash. They just like to know that they are in control, and all they have to do is push the right buttons, and suddenly I'm flying through the air into oblivion. That's all it takes really.
All it takes is one touch to put me into a fog, one so thick I can't see my hands in front of my own face. It's like I'm meandering aimlessly around a deserted forest, looking for someone who doesn't really exist, but I can still hear their voice in my head. Every once in a while a tree will reach its roots out and trip me. I'll fall on my face, cut up my arms and legs, and then get up and move on as though nothing happens.
I've heard that love makes you do crazy things. It's not a lie. It does. It makes you think that you can fly, when really, you don't have wings, you're just like everyone else, just plummeting down the same bottomless pit, except you don't realize it, because this bright red feeling clouds your vision. It makes you believe that you can have something you really can't, and that that something you can't have is worth fighting for. You try to find a reason, is there one?
Is there a reason that you keep fighting for someone who can't be with you? Is there a reason you keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, when it may not even exist? Do the touches, and the "I love yous" and the "I miss yous" really make you think that that hope exists for a reason? What are you doing?
You can ask yourself these questions over and over again. You may never get answers. You may get answers you don't like. But the point is that you are still playing the game. You persevere, even though you see no logical reason to do so. You continue to take shots, even though you know that it's a virtual certainty that they will be blocked. You keep working so hard to get the one you love to see that it's ok that they love you. What does it get you?
For now, nothing. For now, it gets and occasional "slip-up," a show of affection. For now it's gets a soft touch, but only when your lover falls down. For now, it gets you hope that something greater may be possible in the future. What do you do? You keep playing the game. Why? Because that's what's required. In order to get what you want, you have to try for it. You have to try to obtain the one thing that makes you happy, whatever that may be.
Until then, just keep playing the game. Maybe someday you'll win.
posted by Elk Hat at 6:45 PM
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