A change, for once.

I'm working on being content. It's hard. It's so hard, in fact, that sometimes I think it's impossible. I see everyone else around me, moving in the direction they want to go, accomplishing things they've always wanted to accomplish, and leaving this place behind. It makes me sad. I know it's a long time away, but some of my favorite people in the world are leaving for far away places, and it's hard for me to swallow. The more I think about it, the harder it gets.

How did I get to this place? What brought me into this weird reality? I keep trying to trace back to when things made sense, and now, I find, that time is all a blur. Where did you go? What happened to the way things used to be? I don't know. And I am helpless. I can't bring it back. And it hurts.

I'll be 20 soon. 10 days away. I just keep thinking about when I was 16, and how easy life was back then. I was surrounded by people all the time; people who would hold my hand and tell me everything was going to be alright. Now... It's not like that. I am on my own most of the time, and I have to resort to my own methods of comfort (and they aren't very healthy.) I am trying so hard to be content. But it's just so difficult. Please don't leave me here alone.