Truth be told...
I want it back. That's all there is to it. I keep telling MysElf, no I don't want this. No, you Got Hurt from this. No, you don't need this. Truth is... I'm still heAd-over-heels iN love. I can't help it. I try. I keep telling MysElf it's not the truth, hopinG that one day I will just wake up from tHis dreAm, and everything will be ok agaiN. I keep telling MysElf that I'll Get wHAt I waNt. Will I? I don't know. First, I don't even know what I want. I mean, I know parts of what I want, but I don't truly know if this is what I want to have. I don't truly know if this is good for me or not. I can't tell. I don't know.
Everyone that ever talks about love is lucky. They usually have it. It's not one sided, it's not tainted, usually. I had that once. Now, I don't know what I have. I've written more than one song about it, in fact, that's all I ever write about anymore. My mom heard a couple of my songs the other day and told me that my songs are always filled with so much pain. That's probably because I AM in a lot of it.
I'm mostly in pain because I am still in love. And I don't know what to do about it, because I end up getting hurt. There are certain places I try to avoid. Like Narnia, the spot in my bedroom right in front of the stereo, the spot on the side of Lingo Lane, the bathroom in the church, but especially Narnia. That's why I avoid the theatre at least. Too many good-ish-bad memories waiting for me there. Actually, that's where my newest song came from, was that thought.
What to do... what to do. I'm just sick of saying "what if" or "why." I don't understand it. I suppose I never will. I don't get how 4 months of my life are just gone, in a flash, without any warning. It doesn't make any sense to me. I don't get how things changed so quickly, how, one moment, things were seeming to shape up, and then, all of the sudden, everything just fell apart, right on my head. And today, the post on squelchy.... I just don't fucking get it anymore.
Everyone that ever talks about love is lucky. They usually have it. It's not one sided, it's not tainted, usually. I had that once. Now, I don't know what I have. I've written more than one song about it, in fact, that's all I ever write about anymore. My mom heard a couple of my songs the other day and told me that my songs are always filled with so much pain. That's probably because I AM in a lot of it.
I'm mostly in pain because I am still in love. And I don't know what to do about it, because I end up getting hurt. There are certain places I try to avoid. Like Narnia, the spot in my bedroom right in front of the stereo, the spot on the side of Lingo Lane, the bathroom in the church, but especially Narnia. That's why I avoid the theatre at least. Too many good-ish-bad memories waiting for me there. Actually, that's where my newest song came from, was that thought.
What to do... what to do. I'm just sick of saying "what if" or "why." I don't understand it. I suppose I never will. I don't get how 4 months of my life are just gone, in a flash, without any warning. It doesn't make any sense to me. I don't get how things changed so quickly, how, one moment, things were seeming to shape up, and then, all of the sudden, everything just fell apart, right on my head. And today, the post on squelchy.... I just don't fucking get it anymore.
posted by Elk Hat at 10:15 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home