Church

This morning I was in church, playing the piano for worship as I always do. I found I couldn't focus...on anything. My vision was blurry and I wasn't hearing what I was playing. It was like I was in a dream. I was fine before, until I started thinking about you, then everything just drifted away. I can't help it. I try. Believe me when I say that I do try no to think about you. I do so because I know you don't think about me, but sometimes I can't help it. It almost made me sick, I was so nostalgic. I just wanted you to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be ok. I wanted you to be there for me. I wanted to you love me, and be near. And the world just faded away. It happens from time to time. Times when everything just goes dark, and all there is this vision of you, and of what you meant to me. I wonder if maybe you are thinking about me. If maybe this is all just a bad dream and it will go away. I could say that I want it all to stop, but really, I don't. I want to have these dreams about you, I want to have these hopes because it makes me feel warm. It makes me feel like I mean something, or at least that I meant something. I don't know what it is... I just can't make it go away. I wish you would care.