At some point...

At some point you stop being able to function. I've decided this. Sometimes the pain is enough that it paralyzes you. It's not that I didn't understand this before, but this time the reason is just silly. The situation sucks, and I'm trying my best to not get down about it, but it's so difficult. I keep telling myself that it's my choice. That I'm the one who made this descision to stay, and that it's completely out of my hands, which it is. I still can't help but feel like the victim here. I wish that I could change things, but it's not in my control. I certainly don't want to walk away and leave, I have a great friendship in the making, one of those instant friendship things. It's amazing. Seriously, as much as it hurts, it feels good, and she makes me feel good. She makes me laugh, and that's something that I really need right now. Oh well. I'll just keep being me, and if something happens, which is unlikely, then it happens, until then I have to just keep going through the motions and hope that things turn out alright.