so there it is...

There are times when I absolutely hate this, times when I really do just want to run away. I can't stand that I want you around so much, and that I can't make this go away. It makes me feel weak. I am the master of my domain, but I feel so out of control. You've said so many things that are so true about my life, so many things that hurt... I can't get my feelings out. But now you know the story. Now you know why I hurt all the time. I just don't know where I stand anymore. I'm exhausted, truly. This winter break was supposed to be a nice break from everything, from you, from other people I wanted a break from, it was supposed to help. But I miss you so much, I can't focus on relaxing. I've done and said so many terrifying things lately, that my life is just a crazy mix up of scary things. It's like a bad horror movie. You're right though, I do have a lot of things to be thankful for, and truly, I am. I'm just very dizzy with all of this stuff. So there it is... that's what I needed to get out... I hope you understand.