For the moment

So, for the moment I am just trying to focus on something, anything. I can't seem to slow all these thoughts that are going through my head. Maybe it's the lack of sleep from last night, it wasn't that I didn't get to bed at a relatively decent time, it was that I didn't sleep well at all. I don't know, maybe it's just my nerves getting the better of me. Nerves for what you might ask. Nerves for the rest of my life. Nerves for making vital descisions that will determine whether I will succeed or I will fail.

It's like every time I stop to think, my brain is just going in so many directions that I can't figure out where I am. I can't figure out what it is I need to do. I just can't figure it out. It's like standing in the middle of a dust storm, all of these things are swirling around me, and I can't see a damn thing.

I can't find out which way is north. I can't hold my balance because the wind threatens to knock me over. My breath is sharp, filled with pain because of all the dust. It's hard to describe I suppose, but I figured I would make at least some sort of effort.

Although all of this makes me sound angsty and some of you will probably have stopped reading this post by now, you should know: I am angsty. I mean, I'm a teenager for Christ's sake. I'm just a regular old kid with problems. Yes. I have a hard time dealing with life sometimes. Yes. I am an unhappy person. Yes. I do need to feel loved, missed, and needed every once and a while. It's true, I'm just working on surviving enough to say that I am a living, breathing human being who feels something more than either numbness or pain. Because the truth is, that's what my life consists of at the moment. Either pain or numbness. I'm not happy, so deal with it. I'm not okay. And just for the record, I can't keep pretending that I am.

I suppose I should apologize for my ranting angstiness, but hey, everyone has to do it at some point in time. I just chose this time and place to do so.